Parklife

It's all about your joggers who go round and round and round.

And lots of old people doing very odd things.

There are loads of parks in Beijing. They all cost less than fifty pence to get into and house a veritable menagerie of oriental delights. For example the Pagoda, the Rockery and the Outdoor Gymnasium. What, Outdoor Gym? That's right. At first glance an unsuspecting westerner would suppose the apparatus to be some kind of children's play park, brightly coloured as it is, surrounded by rubber flooring for all those little fumbles, falls and trips. However momentarily you will notice that these are not children at all (or very ugly, wrinkely children), but full grown adults.

Now your average frequenter of a British park would not be given to labourious exercise. Aside from the joggers, most care to do little more than the odd stretch to feed that poor little duck at the back who doesn't seem to be getting any. Not so in China. Elderly men and women, all be it quite half assed with a fag hanging out of their mouths, are truly exercising. It does hold the gaze (which in China also isn't rude. If i wanted too i could march right up to some old man, stand over him and shout "ji se te" all i wanted, it still wouldn't be rude. Like the man beside me slurpping his noodles - not rude or the man in the park farting very very loudly, but thankfully not so close to me - still still not rude) .

But your gaze will quickly be diverted by some loud, consistent and multiple chanting. Forty or so women and two men, one seemingly quite drunk, doing some form of Aerobics. No not Aerobics, dance. No that's not right, Ti Chi. No, way too militant for Ti Chi. They're doing something anyway, involving shouting and digging your thumbs into your back as if you were a doctor making some kind of incision. The drunk guy could do it all with his eyes closed. He didn't need to look at the intense young lady with loads of makeup on, and i suspect though i was nowhere near close enough, lipstick on her teeth, who was leading the whole affair. I walked off, suddenly suspecting it was purely something they do for kicks when an unsuspecting white guy walks by.

Parks are where Chinese people come to get away with doing whatever the heck they want. Middle aged men fly kites for hours, couples kiss, people drink a lot of tea from large flasks. Today a lady, without provocation sreamed, or rather shrieked at a tree she was passing. It didn't reply, as it appeared she was expecting. Her husband didn't bat an eyelid. I saw a man delight himself by swinging his arms around like he was being attacked by a swarm of bees that only he could see. Frequently men break into song, operatic song. There's the odd tree caressing. A man today appeared to be impersonating a bull with an itch against a tree trunk. (The trees are all carefully labelled and photos are taken which are displayed in "foyer" of the park. Presumably it's for those who want to see the trees, but don't have the time to actually have a walk around.)

And of course there are the joggers who go round and round and round....
...wearing suits. The Chinese it seems don't change for exercise. On the way home from work, pop into the park, couple of dashes round in the style of British-man-trying-to-catch-bus and your're good.